My gift to Jay Leno

I’m sure most everyone who has turned on a television in the last few days has heard about this writer’s strike in Hollywood. Writers aren’t providing story lines for series, character dialogue for actors, or stand up material for late night talk show hosts. In the case of most of the talking heads, I could see this to be a very bad time indeed. Lord knows we wouldn’t want anyone from Wussteria Lane, or whatever that place is called, to have to say something unscripted.

But what about comedians who have somehow leveraged their funniness into a real paying gig? You’d think they would be able to come up with their own stuff, right? Well, I guess not because Jay Leno is showing reruns. So, Jay, I thought I’d help you out here and give you a few one liners so that the show can go on. These are on me…

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Hulk Hogan the famous wrestler’s son, Nick, has turned himself in to the authorities and has been arrested after a speed racing incident where his passenger sustained crippling injuries. According to reports from inside the prison, his cellmate has threatened to put him in a rear naked choke… and he wasn’t talking about a wrestling move.

Michael Jackson is in the news again. He was interviewed for the December edition of Ebony magazine. In the interview he says that he hasn’t changed all that much since the Thriller album days. Hmm. He hasn’t changed all that much… that must have been around the time he upgraded to little boys that were potty trained.

President Bush this week called Afghanistan’s President Hamid Karzai to express his condolences concerning a recent suicide bombing that dozens of children and lawmakers recently. He might have gotten confused about the situation though because he later asked an aide why it was alright to carpet bomb but not afghan bomb.

Pat Robertson went on the record today saying that he is endorsing Rudy Giuliani’s presidential bid. No, not the Pat Robertson from the 700 Club, the bag boy from Sam’s Club.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced that they have reached a milestone in their nuclear program after completing the construction of 3000 uranium-enriching centrifuges. He was quoted as saying, “Now if we can just sew every woman’s mouth closed and kill all the Christians and Jews, my day will be worth writing about in my Hello Kitty diary!”

On Thursday, Guinness World Records is going to officially announce that a sheriff’s deputy from Virginia is the tallest man in the United States. This man is 7′ 8″. 7′ 8″ folks! Talk about the long arm of the law huh? Who says donuts will stunt your growth?

Well folks, we have a great show for you tonight…

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It’s the best I could do in 20 minutes. Yeah yeah, I’m not funny. Well, neither is Jay so I guess I’m in good company eh?

Posted by: Vonski | 11-07-2007 | 06:11 PM
Posted in: Entertainment